2010年3月29日月曜日
Stalking this guy.
So, I am currently stalking this guy ( see my background) around Japan, for unknown reasons - I say unknown because well, what does a English to Japanese translator serve for in Japan?
Which is why I'm using the word stalking, because it sure feels like it. Despite the fact his long hair is fake (it's a good enough reason not to stalk someone, isn't it?)
For argument's sake, let's say I don't have anything better to do, and I love live concerts and traveling, to clarify why I'm going to go around Japan for the next month. Or simply because I can.
Bottom line is, I'll be in a lot of places, and I don't know if I'll make it a priority to update the blog, so in case anyone wonders where I am, well, I think I've answered that.
Also, while traveling around, I'll do quite a bit of thinking about what I really want to do with my life now that university is over. There's this strange thing about Okinawa ( the place I'm at right now) that makes you really analyze yourself and your life. One of the most important people to me used to come here a lot when he was faced with difficult decisions, so I took his example and took a long walk down the beach to clear my head.
And I came to the conclusion that while stalking people is fun, I ought to do something for myself, with my own life. And while giving your support to a cause, or a person, or even an idea is something admirable, looking back on my life 10 years from now and thinking, all I did is support someone else is not something I'd like to experience.
There's also the thing that I've sadly learned that in the end, all things considered, we are alone with ourselves. Even if things are ok, even if you have people around you that you love, you don't know how and when the paths you walk could separate.
I didn't use to think that, and I know I'm probably being selfish and stubborn for not listening to any other opinion anymore, but I'd like to be secure and standing on my own two feet, on my own path.
That doesn't mean I feel less or that, someone is less important in my life. It just means that, to quote and contradict earlier song by said guy with fake long hair and a pantless drummer (w) I simply don't think that you can "Survive with love" anymore.
I'm a really difficult person to handle, and sometimes find myself wondering why do my close people even bother. I know I can be cold and selfish, and once you've lost my trust is nearly close to impossible to get it back.
Maybe they like the challenge? But if that is so, and I'd change, and let all the things that keep me this way go, wouldn't they just end up getting bored?
Whatever the case, I feel this time around I'll come to a conclusion that I'll be happy with.
登録:
コメントの投稿 (Atom)
Hmm, his long hair is fake...hmm...*pulls on it* hehe.
返信削除It's true that it's nice to do things on your own so that you yourself can grow as well. Some people have to just be pushed out there to realize their hidden talents cuz it'll be hard for them to understand this concept on their own *points at self*
However, some people's paths may cross over and over multiple times, or as they say here, "When you marry your wife, she doesn't give up her destiny for her life to start fulfilling her husband's, but husabands are supposed to encourage them in it and do everything they can to see it fulfilled. Same with the wife to her husband." In this way, both paths would kind of bond into one because you're doing both of the things you love together and are immersed in both destinies. Hopefully that made some sense hehe.
Surviving with love would depend on how you define the word "Love" because I believe you can survive with just love, but not the way media describes love. Most of the love you see in media is just, pretty much, satisfying a need as quickly as possible (whether physical or emotional). This however usually results in emptiness and loneliness most likely.
If you're talking about true Love that's not tainted by just some need, but is unconditional love (loving someone no matter what they do, but for who they are; circumstances don't change the amount of love for them) then that's a whole different story. This love would last forever and could help carry you through your paths in life and help you stand even taller than you could have alone. (
Well I've still yet to meet you in real life, but my guess is that when you're happier and lively, people would rejoice in seeing that and it'd put a smile on their faces. Who wouldn't like seeing the ones they love be happy? (happy without alcohol and cigarettes *snatches bottle out of hand* haha).
Anyways, I gotta go for my last day of classes. See ya later ^^
First of, yeah is fake, don't pull on it, you'll have to protect yourself from angry fangirls.
返信削除Joke aside, thank you for taking the time to read, and give that reply. You actually have no idea how much what you've said made me think, and seriously. I've been told something surprisingly similar when having this talk with the person whom it actually concerns
( like I said, you two seemed to think alike at the oddest times w)
Of course, the big difference is, I can trust your opinion as being entirely objective. Actually, to tell you the truth, I've been thinking of how fallowing my own path doesn't mean having to distance or separate myself from his, but truth is, I've been looking for reasons to believe what I typed up there, simply because I can't make myself believe it will last.
It's been years already not just a few months, and some serious promises were made between the two of us, but some really bad things happened as well and being the overly optimistic person that I am ( sarcasm!) I can't help thinking that certain things were said exactly to fix those things that happened and are not entirely sincere.
Then I tried to find an excuse in the fact that my life is way too crazy at times, and I'd rather distance myself while I can but parts of what you said, especially the part about love makes me see that you can't really have only the part you want of someone, and pull back when it's not comfortable anymore.
It's funny because I claim that I know what love is and he doesn't.
I guess it's only human to make mistakes, and the answer to my problem is as simple as asking myself if I WANT to walk on a separate path just to prove something I and him both know I CAN do. And the simple answer to that is no.
Pride is a really destructive thing sometimes you know?
As for smoking, he managed to make me quit, I can't say I really miss it. There's also really no time for drinking most of the time, so I think I'm done with the rebellious teen attitude.
You know whaaat~It's late, I'm sleepy, I won't even bother to try to understand what's written up there today, So I'm just going to bed, and re-read it tomorrow, maybe i'll understand what is all this path , husband and wife, smoke and stuff that you guys are talking about...
返信削除But one thing is understandable, You seem to ask yourself why do people that care about you even bother? isn't that a bit of a paradox tho? If they care for you they will bother no matter what right? or is my brain so tired i can't think of anything correctly? Waaaahhh~
'Kay this is what i always tell people. SIMPLIFY IT! whatever it is, simplify it. I wonder if that works? I usually simplify~ I'm going to bed now 'kay ? Will re-read again tomorrow~byeee~
That's ok gaki-chan what you said helps enough. Make sure to rest a lot ok?
返信削除